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文书赏析 | 惊艳!哈佛大学2024录取文书公开(第三篇)
来源:英锐教育北京 | 发布时间:2024-08-23
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专家点评:

Francisco's essay, "Three Days Before I Got on a Plane," describes his involvement in the Minority Introduction to Engineering and Science (MITES) program at M.I.T., which serves as the backdrop for his introspective voyage. The story starts with a seemingly minor decision—giving up milk for health reasons—but it soon turns into a metaphor for the life-changing events that transpire. The essay skillfully makes use of this internal transformation to set up a summer that would fundamentally alter Francisco's perception of himself and his interactions with others. He is first nervous about the MITES program because he anticipates a very competitive setting that would make him feel even more alone. The physical and psychological difficulties he encounters early in the program—such as minor stomach ulcers and a strong sense of alienation—reinforce this worry.
弗朗西斯科的散文《上飞机前三天》描述了他参与麻省理工学院少数族裔工程与科学概论项目(MITES)的经历,该项目是他自省之旅的背景事件。故事从一个看似微不足道的决定开始——出于健康原因放弃喝牛奶的改变——很快就变成了一个隐喻,寓意着改变人生的事件接踵而至。
这篇文章巧妙地利用了这一内在转变,为弗朗西斯科将从根本上改变他对自己的认识和与他人的深度社交的夏天做了铺垫。他一开始对 MITES 项目感到紧张,预计竞争会非常激烈,会更加孤独。以及他在项目初期遇到的生理和心理上的挑战—比如轻微的胃溃疡和强烈的疏离感——更加剧了他的担忧。
But at the program's weekly "Family Meetings," which are meant to encourage candid conversation and support among members, the story takes a dramatic turn. Here is when Francisco undergoes a significant transformation. One meeting's theme, "what's something important about your identity that makes you unique?" expands into increasingly detailed, intimate revelations, turning the gathering into an environment of empathy and vulnerability. Francisco is extremely touched by the candor with which his peers have shared their personal issues, and this prompts him to reconsider how he approaches the program and his peers in general.
但是,在夏令营每周一次的 “家庭会议 ”上,故事发生了戏剧性的转变。“家庭会议 ”的目的是鼓励成员之间坦诚交流,相互支持。弗朗西斯科在这里发生了重大转变。
一次会议的主题是 “你的身份中有什么重要的东西让你与众不同?”会议上,弗朗西斯科描述越来越多的细节和隐私的分享,将会议变成了一个充满共鸣和展现人性脆弱的地方。弗朗西斯科深深地被同伴们坦诚分享个人问题的方式所触动,这促使他重新思考该如何看待这个项目和他的同伴们。
Francisco's essay does a fantastic job of illustrating how community and candid conversation can have a significant impact on personal development. His experience serves as a testament to both the value of safe spaces in learning environments and the transformational potential of empathy. By the time the essay comes to an end, Francisco has grown as a person and acknowledges that he is now "the true Francisco," or "Cisco" as his friends call him. He highlights how this experience has given him the confidence to be authentically himself and has given him priceless social skills, self-worth, and emotional fortitude that he will use throughout his life.
弗朗西斯科的文章很好地阐明了社群的力量和坦诚对话可以如何对个人发展产生重大影响。他的经历既证明了学习环境中安全空间的价值,也证明了换位思考的变革潜力。
文章结束时,弗朗西斯科已经成长为一个真正了解自己的人,他承认现在是 “真正的弗朗西斯科”,朋友们们口中的 “思科”。他强调了这段经历如何给了他真实做自己的信心,及给了他无价的社交技巧、自我价值感和情感韧性,这些技能可以终生受用。
Although Francisco's essay effectively recounts a transformative summer experience, it could be enhanced by the inclusion of additional personal details and background information to provide a more comprehensive understanding of his life and experiences. Valuable context could be provided by including specifications about his initial interest in engineering and science or his prior experiences with competitiveness. Expanding on how the MITES program influenced his long-term goals would further enhance the essay. Additionally, elaborating on his relationships with peers both before and after the program would offer a clearer picture of his social growth. These additional details would create a more complete and compelling narrative—presenting Francisco as a multifaceted individual.
尽管弗朗西斯科的作文有效地叙述了一段转变性的暑期经历,但如果能在文中融入更多的个人细节和背景信息,会使读者对他的生活和经历有更全面和清晰的了解,会使这篇文章更加出彩!
如果能具体说明他对工程和科学的兴趣启蒙,或他过往的竞争经历,就能提供更有价值的背景信息。如果能进一步阐述 MITES 项目如何影响了他的长期目标,也会使文章更加出彩。
此外,描述他在项目前后的伙伴关系维系,也能更加清晰地展现有关社交方面的成长历程。这些额外的细节将使文章更加完整,更有说服力,也会帮助弗朗西斯科搭建起更加多面立体的人设。
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本文内容来自哈佛大学The Harvard Crimson

我们提供中文翻译


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